This isn’t my favorite Bible chapter.  Verses 1-9 are fine; I struggle with verses 10-16.  But let’s start where Paul does, dealing with matters the Corinthians raised in a letter to him.

TO THE MARRIED:  NO SEXUAL ABSTINENCE (7:1-7)

Now, to deal with the matters you wrote about.  A man does well not to marry (7:1).

This is another Corinthian Christian slogan.  Literally, the Greek reads, “A man does well not to touch a woman”—a euphemism for sexual intercourse.  The slogan obviously promotes sexual abstinence.  Paul disagrees.

But because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband (7:2). 

“ . . . so much immorality” refers to husbands being “driven” to prostitutes (6:16) because wives insist on abstinence.  “Have” here means to have sexually.  Thus, Paul urges. . . .

A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other’s needs.  A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way, a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is (7:3,4).

The language, “ . . . should fulfill his duty”,  implies that husband and wife have an obligation.   “ . . . not the master of her own body” implies married partners don’t have the authority over their own bodies regarding sexual relations.  But, there can be an exception . . .

Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations.  In this way, you will be kept from giving in to Satan’s temptation because of your lack of self control  (7:5,6).

Couples may mutually agree to “no sex” to spend time in prayer.  But this must be temporary, otherwise their lack of self-control will make them prey to Satan’s temptation.  For example, a husband might be “driven” to a prostitute (6:15).

Actually I would prefer that all of you were as I am; but each one has a special gift from God, one person this gift, another one that gift (7:7).

Paul wishes they all had the gift of celibacy like him, but recognizes God has gifted everyone differently.  So the married should follow his instruction.

TO THE UNMARRIED AND WIDOWS:  STAY SINGLE OR GET MARRIED (7:8,9).

Now, to the unmarried and to the widows I say that it would be better for you to continue to live alone as I do. But if you cannot restrain your desires, go ahead and marry – it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Since Paul has already advised the unmarried to marry (7:2), the “unmarried” here (Greek, hagamois) are probably men who’ve lost their wives to death.  He counsels them “to live alone as I do” (without explaining why).  But, if they can’t control their desires they should marry, because it’s better to marry than “burn with passion.”

TO CHRISTIAN PARTNERS:  DON’T DIVORCE (7:10,11).

For married people I have a command which is not my own but the Lord’s: a wife must not leave her husband; but if she does, she must remain single or else be reconciled to her husband; and a husband must not divorce his wife.

Paul addresses married couples who both are believers, appealing explicitly to Jesus’ authority.  “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11,12).  No distinction should be made between “leave her husband” and “divorce”.  In Greek-Roman culture, divorce was sometimes “legalized” through proper documents; other times one partner simply left the other.

Paul allows a wife to leave her husband, but not to remarry.  Presumably the same is true for the husband.

TO BELIEVER/UNBELIEVER MARRIEDS:  DON’T DIVORCE (7:12-16).

To the others I say (I, myself, not the Lord): if a Christian man has a wife who is an unbeliever and she agrees to go on living with him, he must not divorce her. And if a Christian woman is married to a man who is an unbeliever and he agrees to go on living with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made acceptable to God by being united to his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made acceptable to God by being united to her Christian husband. If this were not so, their children would be like pagan children; but as it is, they are acceptable to God. However, if the one who is not a believer wishes to leave the Christian partner, let it be so. In such cases the Christian partner, whether husband or wife, is free to act. God has called you to live in peace. How can you be sure, Christian wife, that you will not save your husband? Or how can you be sure, Christian husband, that you will not save your wife?

Jesus didn’t address this issue. (“I, myself, not the Lord”)  However, that doesn’t lessen Paul’s apostolic, Spirit-empowered authority.

In such a “mixed” marriage, Paul forbids the believer to initiate divorce.  Why when he forbade Corinthian Christians from even eating with the world’s sexually immoral (5:9-13)?  “For the unbelieving husband is made acceptable to God by being united to his wife” and so the unbelieving wife with her believing husband.  Similarly, their children “are acceptable to God.”

“ . . . acceptable” referring to adults is the Greek word for “sanctified” and referring to children is the Greek for “holy”!  Dr. Gordon Fee takes this to mean “as long as the marriage is maintained the potential for [the unbelieving partner to be converted] remains (The First Epistle to the Corinthians). Paul pointedly asks, “ . . . how can you be sure, Christian husband, that you will not save your wife?”  C.K. Barrett, Professor of Divinity at the University of Durham, comments, “The Christian partner has the effect of sanctifying the relationship and his partner in it” (The First Epistle to the Corinthians).

Neither explanation is fully satisfying.  But Paul’s rule is clear: If the unbeliever consents to remain with the believer, the believer must not divorce.  On the other hand, if the unbeliever leaves, the believer is “free to act.”  The Greek is doulo-o—“enslaved, under bondage, bound.”  Traditionally many commentators have taken Paul to mean the believer is free to remarry.  But his prohibition against remarriage (7:10,11) makes it more likely Paul simply means the believer should freely let the unbeliever go.  “God has called you to peace.”

My Struggle.

Pastoring 44 years, I did much marriage counseling.  Always I tried to uphold the sanctity of marriage.  But where many years of emotional abuse was involved, I couldn’t bring myself counsel a believer to remain married to that unbeliever.  Nor when children needed a father or the family needed a bread-winner besides the mother, could I counsel a wife not to remarry.

The best of us believers are still fallen creatures.  Sometimes we make a mess of our marriages.  I understand the never-ending cost of divorce.  But I also understand, in some situations, cost of a mother with children remaining single (7:11) and the cost of a mother with children remaining married to an abusive unbeliever (7:12-16).  Divorce or remarriage is always the last resort.  But sometimes in our fallenness we need redemptive grace, not strict rules.  I always tried to  find the narrow spot between the sanctity of marriage and compassion to hurting believers.

As Paul wrote earlier, “Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes.  He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts . . . ” (1 Corinthians 4:5).